FIN.

i've moved to here: www.ethernotes.co.uk

music

tonight, a secret. heavan or las vegas. not many records are as beautiful as this. todays picture is of a homeless mans home. 

i considered writing

yesterday i shot two slides of film. a girl in a red dress on a chair and off a chair. this meant carrying lots of things, including a person over nettles. later, tennis. later, the next generation. a police officer just walked past. i will work tomorrow and then after half term. this may not be enjoyable or it may be - but it will add weight to my wallet. i continue to search. i will worry about my eyes. i bought some flowers. they sit on the kitchen table, close by to a masterpiece. they are red and white. 

i decided i would try to become more healthy and went running for 1.5hr and injured my hip. lack of use, bad technique or weak joint? i hope it is the first and that i can use it soon. 

i considered writing. i have not written in some time. i need to write stories. written and directed by... these are some of the best. oh and i need to find a location for a portrait. i want some white bits in the background. bits of plant.

upon the podium

recently ive been trying to make new images in the outside and in the studio. but without going forwards. the results have been perfectly reasonable but just not substantial enough for me to be excited by them. perhaps im getting bored by photography again or perhaps im just making photography boring for me. what excites me about making photographs is spotting little secrets. the story of a boy doing this or that. the extraordinary ordinary events of everyday. a place im not comfortable or familiar with. insecurities bring wonder and wonders. ive come across a problem and that is that im seeing everything i find pleasing as a new challenge. better me. and i go to work to try and get close to the magic of a particular set of images. and im finding that i can get close. close enough for me to gain confidence. but its not at all satisfying. its not my work. it doesnt excite me. but i feel i should continue in this way because its more viable. i always said i could never make work in england. i think whats true is that im not involved in what i do here. or at least ive not found a way to be yet. note: eurovision is on but silent. i just saw some amazing visuals from the russian entry. beautiful. but j. this thing is awful. work is on my mind a lot but i dont want to write about it. 

today i decided to try painting. my first attempt was pointless. i enjoyed the second one. i painted only until my brush ran out of paint from the first dip. i found a leaf and made some marks. its shown above. the images below are 1. of my right hand after painting. 2. i made a golden apple for a photograph - this is it.

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holy spirit

please save me and please provide for me. take away my anger. give me confidence. give me strength. inspire me. 

star maker

recently i saw two amazing films. tropical malady - an art house film from thailand and paprika, an animation from japan. i made a photograph which i may call the gift. i would like to make several more but need to find people to photograph. i would like further information. i was thinking about making a photograph by moonlight and so tried several things this evening. i came across a star making machine. 

05-09

one of the first images i shot of my wife in 2005. we both appear in this photograph. today ive been organising photographs to send far away and editing a report. i dont know where to send it. so it shall probably be wasted. i titled an image boy in water. its an old set of words i used for a short or long time that came from a dream of floating in silver cloud water. it was the most comfortable place. soma fm for this evening. sleep time.

daily weather report

today: occasional strong breeze. slightly overcast in the morning but clearing. patches of cloud remain. ground still slightly damp from rain last night but drying. when the sun comes out it is bright but still cool due to the breeze. a pleasant temperature. colours not yet heavily saturated.

daily weather report

today: thick but bright clouds hovering low over the ground, occasionally dropping showers of rain. a cool breeze moving the clouds along. looks like it will clear up during the day. the ground is wet from the rain over night and showers this morning. [all images with weather reports taken on day of report]

anyone can answer a phone

its ok to be without work when the sun is shining and the sky is blue and there are colours blooming. i lay looking upwards watching insects and clouds. yesterday i made a photograph. i will print some work next week to send away. if i was working i couldnt print, nor could i have taken a photograph yesterday. but i would have money. and i would be more useful to everyone. i guess i shouldnt worry about it, but i 'should'. something i think i may think about is where arts worth comes from. its originality, its depth, its relevance to society and its ideas at a particular time, its exclusivity, its location...? im sure it was discussed over the last few years. something beautiful: no-one else can do what you do.

La Veneziana

having just finished reading the short story La Veneziana, i was excited. here is a beautiful story. i think you should read it. it is posted here: la veneziana. i want to say more about it but its useless. it is by nabokov and it is exquisite.

78910

looking for work. artist + employment. i dont like 'artist'. confusion with idea of employment,work,living,separation of those. representation. ways to become a product. in any situation it must be a product. value/meaning. free? how much is that doggy in the window. 

'girl, boy, angel' is being produced. 

sell self. stage name.

image taken at 798. a place for art workers to make and sell in beijing. i didnt really feel it.

a page from someone else's book

this is the first image i shot with 5x4 sheet film. its cropped very slightly as, whilst i managed a straight horizon, the stripped subject was not quite central. the exposure/focus were good. 

i've been reading, quite slowly, a book of short stories by nabokov which is a fantastic book. and last night i watched tarkovsky's solaris for the first time, although i was disappointed when it ended after only 1.5 hrs or so. i think i must have the original version which was heavily cut. i think i need to realise the potentials between literature and film/photography. so i've decided to pay more attention to this. yesterday i went in search of the grapes of wrath which im told is an extraordinarily depressing book. i didn't find it so i bought 'one day in the life of ivan denisovich' which is a ' brutal shattering glimpse of the fate of millions of russians under stalin'. i'm told i will ' discover the importance of a piece of bread or an extra bowl of soup, the incredible luxury of a book, the ingenious possibilities of a nail, a piece of string or a single match'. this sounded quite appealing. i want to feel devastated. or rather, i want to be under the illusion of feeling devastated.  

tool

chapter one. not too sunny, not cloudy. various outfits and bits of cloth. two shots. this was the first shoot with the castaway. i look forward to seeing how they come out and whether or not i made mistakes. it was quicker than i expected and i think i may have rushed it. saw something and shot. i dont know how much i thought about it. in any case it will serve as a test. next chapter = results. i think theyre going to be awfully generic though. how boring.

goodbye hasselblad

i bought a large format camera the other day. we went to cambridge to collect it and had a lovely day walking along the river under a blue sky. as i cant afford it im selling my hasselblad. whilst this is a beautiful machine and takes splendid images, i dont use it that much + its square. 

i shot a roll of film to make sure there were no light leaks and to check out a possible location for an idea i have. im not 100% convinced. theres too much going on in the background. i enjoyed using this camera for the last time. byebye.

note: need to sleep earlier and be more productive.

special

this is my very own piece of magic. i hung him yesterday. i greet him in the morning. he never looks at me. thankyou for the magic. more: [here]

this boy was beautiful

i wanted to leave the photo of me upside down at the top so that it felt closer. like it just happened. things have happened and its gone now. petros stayed for a week and anna came too. we edited a short film called 'the boy next to me'. im not sure if i will see the boy and girl again. they are both pretty. i am spending my days thinking about what to do and not doing much. i will write a list with tick boxes next to them.
this was a beautiful boy. he wore pretty clothes and a charming smile which disappeared in this photo. on that afternoon i walked around with a white board and asked strangers to let me make a photograph. i will attempt to compile my photos. i will attempt to make more. i will attempt to build a coherrent series of events. i will add these to the list. i should have taken an address, i think we could have been friends. right now im shoegazing

i fall in love too easily

we arrived in beijing at 12:20am. the airport is huge. you need to take a train to get from one place to another. we got lost trying to leave. then... / she saw us before we saw her. we were heading towards the elevator and she called her name. she wore sunglasses and a man in a red jumper followed. we rode through beijing in a red car. i wore red. the red smog we saw from the plane seemed to have cleared and we noticed blue appear in the sky. the trees at the side of the road reminded me of greece. we arrived at their home and i met her husband and friend. he wore a blue spotted jumper with a small green crocodile. their daughter was shy at first but slowly felt more comfortable with the strangers. we were the same. she called me xiao mao.
tomorrow we had a japanese lunch. sushi, noodles, fish eggs, my small friend hit her daddy with her chopsticks. her mummy had a bad cold and stayed in bed in the afternoon. we rode in comfort to 798. i like the name very much but the place didnt feel how i imagined it would. it wasn't so free. it wanted to sell. many shows were closed for the red lantern holiday but the light was so beautiful. that night the sky was full of fireworks, our ears sounded like pop pop pop, a fire blazed in central beijing and one man died fighting it.
tomorrow we had beijing duck and some of his favourite dishes. we rode to a forbidden city but it was closed for the ghosts to come out. we took pictures. we walked to tiananmen square and watched the flag fall down. we watched australia in english with subtitles. it was ok. we went home and played. i fell in love.
with beijing, with those days and with those people. we flew here and before in chengdu. the last time i saw the sky was the spring in two thousand and seven. i saw the mystery sunset that week. it lasts from those ten days. i hope the light falls on us again. we will chase it.

the rest of chengdu

we're back in england now, so i'm posting this mainly to upload some images and to write something on the last few days in chengdu.
when i arrived i hated it. i always feel strange to arrive in cities. chengdu is very different from london in that all the architecture is very modern or was modern in the late 80's and now looks stale. theres the odd statue and public concrete plaza. the roads are huge and numerous. buildings tower above you and adverts ask for your attention from every direction. but there are quiet places too. and you don't really have to look hard to find them. they creep up on you. one moment you're next to a huge ring road and in a few moments you've walked into what feels like an alley way in a town outside of the city center. i got used to the speed of the city after a short period of time. i've spent quite a bit of time there so it didn't take long. what helped was having a small group of friends there to enjoy the time with. we had some chinese fast food, a fantastic dumpling meal, indian and pizza - the last two being much less enjoyable. qingwei shared a room with her cousin and i shared one with another cousin. i wasn't looking forward to this to be honest - partly due to my colitis, but it was actually very pleasant.
qingwei had insisted that i go to see an eye specialist about my chronic dry eyes which cause me a great deal of anxiety and stress in england. in fact, they weren't causing me much trouble in china so i said i didnt feel it necessary to go, but we went. the first day we queued in several places and each time were told to go to another place. after several attempts to book an appointment, we were told that there were no appointments left and that we should come back tomorrow at 6am to book one with a certain doctor who specialised in dry eyes.
we went back the next day after having our complimentary breakfast of steamed bread, sweet rice porridge and contonese baozi at the hotel arriving around 8:00am. again we queued in several places and again there were no spaces left. however, as we were leaving chengdu in a couple of days (for england they assumed) qw asked if they could make a space for us and they gave us a ticket. then the waiting began. we knew we wouldnt be seen for a couple of hours so we popped out for some japanese food which was pleasant. we returned early afternoon and sat in the waiting area which is always completely packed with many waiting outside the hospital as well. a small introduction to chinese hospitals; the majority of hospitals are state owned and the dotors recieve a salary from the government. theres no gp system, the pateints just go to whichever hospital is closest or they think is the best and pay a small registration fee, equivilent to a few pounds each time they want to make an appointment. the patients then pay for any treatment or medicine the doctor prescribes. the doctors get commission on sales. normally you have to be at the hospital around 6am to get an appointment for that day. there are private hospitals but they are more expensive. most people go to state hospitals and they are much more busy. if you've ever seen pictures of chinese train stations at spring festival then you'll have some idea of what the hospitals are like. i was in a queue of 35 people when booking an appointment. this is not a huge queue.
we were the last called. this doctor had published internationally recognised research on dry eyes so i thought it was worth the wait to see her. i had several doses of rather uncomfortable eye drops, some paper stuck in my eyes and some more drops. turns out i have some kind of dry eye disease. this was good news to me because i thought that perhaps i was imagining my dry eyes out of some anxiety problems as i have before with other problems. i was given some medicine and the option for a short operation which involves injecting plugs and something else into my tear ducts. i didn't go for the operation this time.
it had taken from 8am in the morning. we were the last out of the hospital... the doors had already been locked and chained and we had to get someone to open them... we caught a taxi and went to see sichuan opera, grabbing some muffins and other snacks on the way.
sichuan opera includes the famous changing face sequence where the performers change faces within a split second as they flick their fan. its pretty impressive and great fun. the whole thing was very entertaining and id never seen anyone play classical chinese instruments like these guys did. a couple of times they pulled off solo's that you'd expect to hear from an electric guitar.
so we went back to pengzhou the next day or day after, i forget... and packed our things.

click [here] for many more images taken in chengdu

here today, gone tomorrow

just a quick update. tomorrow we leave for beijing. we will wake at 5:45am and arrive in beijing for a late lunch. during the past week, we spent time in chengdu city with qingweis cousins. it was a long time since i shared a room with another male, but it was an enjoyable few days. we went to see the chengdu changing face opera after searching for one that incorporates live music. it was great. more to follow on this trip. today we had hotpot for lunch and dinner. spicy hotpot for lunch, mushroom for dinner. i also took quite a few portraits of randoms on the street. felt great to actually shoot some images which i hadnt really done since being here. i have just been shooting as a tourist.
we will only spend three days in beijing and then we come back to england so i imagine i wont be updating again before that. pictures etc from the last week to come.

i can only show you the door

yesterdays lunch was at waipo's although she was not there this time. i believe she had gone out to play majong. however qingweis uncle was there and as normal this lead to some interesting discussions. firstly i should say that not many people of his generation seem to be very open about talking politics. im not sure if this is a correct observation but its the opinion im led to have by my experiences here. we began, as we had a number of times, by talking about tibet and the stories in the media at the moment surrounding the issue. this time it was chinese prime minister wen jiabao's european tour which deliberately excluded france due to sarkozys meeting with the dalai in december. see [here].
a lot of chinese people are still angry at the french due to their rather extravagant protests during the olympic torch run during which one over zealous protester tried to wrench the torch out of a wheelchair bound chinese who struggled desperately to hold on. video footage of this was shown on thousands of websites here and led to other chinese living in france to recall their own experiences of 'racism'. there is a joke going around at the moment that suggests that as mr sarkozy is such good friends with the dalai lama, he should ask him to pray for the french economy instead of asking for chinas help - which is what wen's european trip is seen as being - a plea from western countries for more business from china.
we talked a little more on the tibetan situation and the announcement from the chinese central government that the 28th march will now be celebrated in tibet as serfs emancipation day. i try to remain quite neutral on this topic as i dont believe, unlike others, that i should go rushing to a conclusion on something i know very little about. especially as its very hard to know what i know as every source of information is incredibly biased. on the issue of serfs, ive had several stories recounted to me from people who know people who used to be/have family that used to be serfs. all of them are unpleasant and some quite disturbing. i wont recount them here.
something i do want to mention is the chinese version of events regarding the 'liberation' of tibet by maos communist party in the 50's. its important to know that the government before mao, led by chiang kai-shek for the kuomintang party (the same party thats now in power in taiwan) was incredibly corrupt. we all know that land grabs happen now in china and they happened then too - and thats one reason that the communist party was very popular in some places - they took the land back and made sure a lot of people had somewhere to live - qingweis own grandmother as a child had her home and land taken by officials and not until the communist party arrived did they have somewhere to live.
the communist party at least in some cases, distributed the land amongst the people. the chinese believe that this is exactly what happened in tibet. just as mao took land away from the wealthy in china, so he did in tibet from the lama's (and others), many of whom had large amounts of land and wealth including serfs (slaves). the chinese version is that those tibetans living in exile are those who used to be wealthy and who maos army fought against. in this way, those tibetans are not very different from those wealthy chinese who also had to give up what they once had so that there could be equality. in fact, qingweis other grandmother is one of those people - her family used to own a lot of farmland which got taken and divided up by the communist army.
now the issue, i know, is not only this, but spiritual freedom and that the chinese government controls this with an 'iron fist', as well as the government response to protesters. however, its worth knowing or trying to find out something about the 'old tibet' and the control that the wealthy are reported to have had over the poor, which never really gets discussed. earlier today i came across several interesting sites. ive posted this one as its not written by a chinese whos posts are usually completely over the top and just silly. this is only to bring attention to more information if you are interested or have an opinion on this matter. if you are/do, read [this].
having learnt more about the chinese point of view on things has made it more difficult to know where to stand on this issue so i will continue to stand no-where. my default position is one of skepticism towards china/communism/china's tibet - as most of the information ive been exposed to is that from the media in the uk which has negative undertones in many news reports on china, especially those concerning tibet. however, i do also have a growing skepticism towards the 'free tibet' movement, many of whom i dont think have a clue about what they are campaigning for or even what that means. there has also been some very disappointing behaviour from protesters and woefully misinformed advocates of this movement voice their opinion in recent history, perhaps worst of all by sharon stone. and im going to quote her because.... my goodness...

"i've been concerned about how should we deal with the olympics, because they are not being nice to the dalai lama, who is a good friend of mine," she said.

"and then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and i thought, is that karma - when you're not nice that the bad things happen to you?"

quote taken from the guardian website (caps removed - dont know if youve noticed - i dont like to use them) anyway, im aware that this is not representative of the majority of those involved with the free tibet movement, but it does show how misinformed some people are on this topic.
[update: just also want to point out that the quake hit an area of sichuan largely populated by tibetans, so the tibetan communities living in this part of china are some of the worst effected.]
anyway, it was an enjoyable discussion. in other news: ive had two hotpots in the last two days which is fantastic. the one today was with qingweis friends from pengzhou. i almost didnt go as, last time... well, i wrote about it. but it was nice. i have been working on a new cv/portfolio and looking/applying for jobs as im going to be returning to england soon when my financial situation is likely to hit me hard. applied for one in beijing as well as, whilst china is an incredibly frustrating place to be at times, its also amazing.
hoping to do some more filming before we go to beijing so i can make something out of the footage i shot at the shelters. i also need to get my act together and start using up some more of the medium format films i brought with me.
its funny, i forgot what it was like to walk alone in china. i must have waved and replied hello to 5 or 6 people in the few minutes it took me to walk back from hotpot. i can feel so many peoples eyes on me as i walk past- not just feel - watch their heads turn to follow me. its not very comfortable. but i am comfortable right now in this awesome rocking chair.

click [here] for more images

ma

a short additional post. tonight’s meal was in fact much more enjoyable than the previous nights. one thing i forgot to mention is that when there is enough people to split the group into two tables there becomes a male and female table. i sit at the female table. tonight, after someone asked how i address qingweis parents (this is often asked) i was asked to call qingweis mum, mum. i asked why at first but obliged to rapturous applause, which made me a little embarrassed. qingweis mum gave me some fish and we continued the meal. not long left here.
click [here] to see the paintings that hung on the wall of the resturant room.

light, colour, a little boy

yesterday there was a wonderful light. late afternoon hazy yellow light. it made me feel warm. we sat in the lounge reading and playing with yaya, drinking wine and eating monkey nuts. later we went out to walk and hopefully take some pictures. but as usual i saw many people i wanted to photograph and not the courage to ask them. we came across the 'home' of a homeless. there was a snowman next to a clock built into the wall, a toy gun and doll. we took pictures and walked on, spotting the homeless who's home this was. we walked past several times and finally i asked to take a photo. he declined. several moments later a police car drove very slowly past with those riding it looking towards my location. i was sitting down behind a tree out of sight. we left promptly.
as we walked to meet qingweis parents for hotpot, i found out that they had arranged for me to go and film at the earthquake shelters the next day early in the morning. a government representative would accompany us.
during hotpot i was as grumpy as i could be. a terrible mood i was in. it continues to last even now but decreases slightly i believe. i could try to explain why this mood developed but it would be pointless. however, hearing people talking about me whilst i eat and not being able to understand completely nor reply whilst pretending that i really dont mind that was killing me. the same things were asked in jest or curiosity but no smile or attempt to answer was made. i kept my head down and pretended not to hear. i have been through this routine before and last night i didnt feel like participating in it again. instead i thought about what the hell i was going to shoot the next day. i hadnt really made a plan and had only a couple of hours to come up with one. i noticed that there were some fascinating textures in the room. golds and reds. i also noticed that the air conditioners were pumping out copious amounts of boiling hot air to mix with the smoke already there. i slid open a window only for it to be closed shortly after.
i didnt eat much. instead i ate some chocolate after walking home in silence.

this morning we left for the mountains of pengzhou. we met the government official who had arranged for me to meet someone living in a new house and planned where we would shoot. our first stop was at a fantastic place - i had noticed it on the way and hoped to god i could film there. a whole town of shops had been completely destroyed and nothing had been done about it until now. there was now a whole street of temporary shops. i spotted a hairdressers under a blue waterproof sheet. i thought i should like to interview the owner/customers. i made a quick shot of the fallen street and the government official (guide) assured me that further up this road was more impressive and besides, we could return to this place later, so we left.
we arrived at an estate of new houses. 1000 of them for those who had lost their homes. we met one man waiting outside his home who had prepared tea for us. he looked very wary and didnt want to talk about much. i got him to give me a tour of his house and a short interview. he was happy with his new home. in fact he had been allocated two homes for his five family members. he will rent one out. he then took us to look at some farm land which he was in charge of. it looked pretty interesting for farm land, but it was farm land and i didnt want to film farm land. the next stop was a section of the blue shelters i mentioned in a previous blog post. i filmed one family in their temporary home and tried for the life of me to get a young boy to run down the 'street' of shelters into a home but with no luck. too many people had gathered and kids dont take direction easily. an interview was conducted over much noise behind us. i dont think i will have got much of her voice. another boy who i interviewed was rather nervous and answered with yes and no's only. a beautiful shot but unusable. i wish id just got his to sit there an stare at the camera. that would have been really beautiful. hindsight........
after filming some cooking in a communal kitchen it was time to leave, our guide had left which meant we were no longer allowed to film. with only 40 minutes of footage captured, we started to make our way home. alas, i did not get to film at the first location. this is a big frustration...
i was asked if i was satisfied. i am happy with what i had the opportunity to shoot but wish i could have shot much more for i am left with not enough footage to do much with by itself and am unable to return to make more. well, it was an interesting experience.
thanks must be given to qingweis parents who went to the effort of arranging this for me. im sure it wasn't easy. also to the people that helped me today.
im still moody and believe i am eating outside with some people tonight. i want to stay in and eat chocolate.

as usual, most images shot were on film but please click [here] for some snaps taken over the past couple of days.

after li jiang

we're back. the flight home was a little unsettling being rater turbulent. we were sitting near the front of the plane where its seems you feel much more movement. it didn't help that one of the stewards kept announcing in a shrill and shaky voice that we were going to hit more every few minutes. nor did the baby sitting a few seats down that screamed continuously. i assured qingwei several times that we are not having children any time soon during this din. we landed at chengdu airport to find it absolutely packed, this is due to the chinese new year of course. our driver was on his way having got stuck in traffic. when he arrived half an hour later he took a wrong turning...circled back and then another, having to drive back to the airport and start again. so it took rather a long time to get home. anyway, a little about li jiang...
li jiang is a town of yunnan province which if you're looking at a map of china is in the south west bordering burma. it is a town surrounded by mountains, sitting approximately 2,500 feet above sea level and is a world cultural heritage site. the climate at this time of year is still fairly mild with temperatures around 15.c. we had at least several hours of decent sunshine every day often with clear deep blue skies all day. li jiang has a long history and the houses are apparently up to 800 years old all being made largely of wood. there is a lot of clean water running through the town which is used for washing clothes, food and bodies (live ones) in which you can see a lot of fish as well - this is very rare in china. normally they would be caught and eaten or unable to breathe for the polluted water.
the place we stayed at was an 'inn' called 'you ran ju' which like the other houses in the town was a very old traditional styled chinese home. it had a lovely courtyard where we ate breakfast in the mornings and another where there was live music in the afternoons - although we were never around to watch it. the downside was that the windows didn't close, the electrics and plumbing were rubbish and most other things didn't work either. but for 5 days it wasn't a problem.
after i had recovered from illness mentioned below, we walked around to take a first look at the town. i should mention here that there are basically 2 li jiangs. the old and the new, each on one side of a mountain. we were staying in the old li jiang. (see images linked at bottom). what we saw was shops and more shops all selling what appeared to be the exact same things. there was the occasional restaurant and if you searched long enough a convenience store for the essentials oh, and bathrooms - and these were something special. the nicest bathrooms i've ever seen in china. feeling slightly disappointed (apart from the great bathrooms) we made plans to get out of the town over the next few days.

the next day we had an early breakfast in the fresh mountain air and left for la shi hi where we were to ride horses along part of the silk route. we arrived to find that we would in fact be riding along a small dirt track. the silk route was in the mountains and that was accessible via a 3hr trek and more expensive ticket. so we mounted our horses. i soon noticed that mine was not attached to the others via a rope. he lacked behind and then suddenly ran to catch up, stopped to eat and then ran ahead of all the others and down a different path. he tried barging past the other horses on a very narrow bridge almost falling in on the way. but i have to say that whilst it was pretty scary at times, it was fantastic fun. we arrived at a wetland and took a boat out into the water which was a relaxing break from having my back broken. i think the point of this boat ride was to see some pretty huge birds that fly there for the winter from siberia. it was nice. sun bounced off the water. cold breeze against our face and freezing our hands. we rode back and caught a lift to another smaller town where we ate noodles and bought some cushion covers. the place was similar to li jiang but less commercial with far fewer people.
i've written too much now so the rest is going to be in note form.
next day my back ached from the horse. at night we went to see a show about the 26 minority cultures of li jiang which was impressive at times but tacky at others. the music was recorded, the actors mimed - they perform the same thing every day. still worth seeing, just didn't feel an authentic experience. slightly plastic.
at some stage we drank wine at a bar with a guy playing guitar and singing - and his voice... amazing... so deep. he had long hair, dark skin and a seriously fantastic voice. the bar was called 'blue bird' apparently. all the other bars were playing awful awful modern 'tibetan' rave music with people in ethnic minority costumes dancing with lights flashing, l.e.d's, lasers - whatever. as you walked past, people outside screamed in your ear over the music to go inside... so this blue bird place was the only place to be - real mellow. the music was still quite loud - it had to be so you could hear it over the other crap - and there was a real nice view looking up the mountain which was flood lit at night. we did in fact walk up this mountain to look over the town and visit what we thought was a temple at the top which after paying an entrance fee we found was made in 1997 and only housed yet more things for sale. this didn't stop some visitors from walking eyes fixed upwards, hands clasped together as if praying, towards the only image of buddha in the joint. however, the sun was shining again and we sat at the top for a while before heading back down.

on the last day we picked up some gifts for people and mementos for ourselves including a seriously amazing hand made leather bag and caught a plane back to pengzhou. flying over mountains is amazing. really amazing. and then a shrill and shaky voice came on the loud speaker...


most of the photos we took were on film but we took a couple of snaps on a digital camera which you can see [here]

before li jiang

yesterday a decision was made as to whether or not we were going to go to yunnan province to visit li jiang. the decision was yes. today we went to arrange the flights and hotel for the trip which is a very generous belated honeymoon gift from qingweis parents. li jiang is a known for its beauty and local ethnic culture and is a popular place for couples to visit. im looking forward to the higher temperatures it offers. the forcast this week is for temperatures around 17'c.
we leave for the airport at 7:30am tomorrow morning and will return on saturday - just in time for the start of spring festival.
In the afternoon I drank tea and then had dinner with qingwei's classmates during which i felt umconfortably spare at times. The light in the teahouse was very soft and gave the golden wallpaper a warm glow. i took a picture.

unfortunately the rest of this post is not saved as i lost my internet connection and i dont want to type it out again. its two days later now. briefly: we went afterwards to have bbq food which is slightly different from ours and more spicy.

a few hours later this had made me incredibly ill. i didnt eat for a day and a half just having sips of water. even the thought of food was unbearable. so the flight to lijiang and first day there was not fun. i spent it in bed. recovering slowly.

its a nice place. the light is great. we are staying in an old style chinese with the curved roof tops.
its very geared towards tourists though. the streets are all lined with gift shops and people constantly come up to you asking if you want to go on a trip to wherever which is a bit annoying as it makes me feel a little uneasy when i want to feel relaxed. i will post again with some images at some point.

click [here] for offending items

merry lunch, somber afternoon

today's lunch was mushroom hotpot at a place i last visited this time two years ago. i had returned to pengzhou without qingwei having become ill in the mountains of songpan where she was working. today was to celebrate the forthcoming new year (of the ox) with all the family present. a small speech was made at the beginning reflecting on the happiness and sadness brought by 2008.
hotpot originated from sichuan province and involves a large bowl in the middle of a table heated from below full of food of your choice - usually a mixture of meats, organs and vegetables. there are different varieties of hotpot but today we had mushroom hotpot which consisted of mushrooms and a chicken. however, there was a fantastic variety of mushroom and they made the water in the pot, which you drink as a soup, a wonderful flavour. later we added several vegetables including lotus root and had steamed meat buns (baozi) and sweet glutinous rice cake as sides. we filled a room with people sitting at several tables and toasted to the coming new year - xin nian kuai le, and wished for good fortune - gong xi fa cai.
i was thinking as i ate how often i see my own cousins and other relatives. not very often. i thoroughly enjoy how close chinese families are. they often live close by and sometimes even with each other. more often than not we will have lunch at qingwei's nana's - wai po - with several other relatives and enjoy fruit and conversation afterwards. i bring a notepad. sometimes it can feel too much but mostly its just really nice.
after the family meal we walked slowly back to xian tinghongs home where we watched a dvd of footage taken during and in the hours after the earthquake earlier in the year. this was really difficult to watch and made me realise how terrifying it would be to experience such a thing. it was a little bizarre watching it sitting comfortably in a house that had been rocked by the same earthquake. as i type, yaya, qingweis toy poodle, is playing with her pink sleeping gown and i am thinking about getting another toffee.

click [here] for more images

cats

ive just spotted the two cats that last night kept me awake. unfortunately i had nothing to throw out the window at them. i might go down later and scare them away. these cats make the most awful noise ive ever heard and they make it all night long. imagine a baby screaming. then take away its favourite toy and smack it. make it smoke 100 cigarettes so its voice is course, put this all through an amplifier and you have something like what these cats sound like. ive not been sleeping well in any case and being woken every so often by this noise is rather annoying. quiet is a precious thing.
i also found out today thay i dont have an actress anymore. she pulled out because her father and boyfriend decided they didnt like the idea of her doing it. apparently the boyfriend travelled from another province to argue about it with her. thats pretty sad. so im feeling a little fed up about that. i might be able to film some people living in shelters after the earthquake and make some kind of documentary but im not sure if it would be interesting and im not really a documentary film maker. i wouldnt know how to approach it. i think the people id be able to film are rather old and footage of people sitting around all day might not be that great.
we've been offered the chance to travel to yunnan province for a short break which might be nice but id feel frustrated going not having made any work. hmm. i might take to asking interesting looking people on the street if they want to be in a film. theres lots of interesting looking people here.

sixth generation

a small tribute to lou ye, jia zhangke and their contemporaries. today i began watching summer palace by lou ye who is director of one of my favourite films, suzhou river. suzhou river shows us a man who is a videographer and who falls for a girl with an imagination. he shows us this man without ever seeing more than his arms and legs which soon become our own and we begin a story that doesnt end. its pointless to give any clear details about certain films and this is one of them. i should just say it changed things for me and was highly influential in helping shape my own ideas of narrative and identity within cinema.
summer palace is quite a departure from suzhou river. ive just decided not to write about its content but instead briefly on how i felt whilst watching it.
i felt my heart start to beat heavily inside of me and stopped breathing for brief moments. i could almost feel myself being pulled into the emotions of the characters as i unwittingly recalled everything that could make it real for me. the film is unsettling and involves the viewer in its discomfort. its difficult. its beautiful.
i forgot to mention that the only version of this film i could here (summer palace is banned and as a consequence for its making its director is too from making films for 5 years. the second time he's been issued this punishment) is one without english subtitles. my chinese is still not what it should be and so my experience of this film was 'limited' by this. ive enjoyed many films in this way and i dont think it damages a viewing to much extent. so long as you don't hold onto your own ideas of whats said too strongly. its impossible to do this with films that rely very heavily on dialogue though of course.
i have to say whilst im here that for me, often the experience of film is a little like that of music and indeed most of my favourite films use music / sound as an integral part of the narration / story. for example; all about lily chou-chou, akira, blue velvet, chungking express. there is a strong relationship between the two in the way they function as an art form i believe. i enjoy films i cant fully grasp as i do with music. i thoroughly enjoy not being able to understand the lyrics in a song when voice is used. without this you hear tone and rhythm like every other instrument. theres nothing to decode.

for my own plans: i found out my actress has a very traditional boyfriend which will make it difficult for her to play the role i'd written. im considering a different approach in a smaller town near the countryside, or rewriting the story in the city to be suitable for her to play a part in.

where once there were houses

today we visited a town located in the mountains an hour outside pengzhou where many lost their lives and homes in the earthquake that hit sichuan on may 12th 2008. i'd seen pictures on the bbc of a couple getting married at an old church built in the mountains by the french 100 years or so ago which had become a local attraction. the pictures showed the church falling apart during the earthquake. its now closed off to the public whilst its being cleared of debris - a very slow process - but the people we went with persuaded the guard to let us walk around the ruins for i was a foreigner and had come so far. this was embarrassing but kind also.
we saw bridges that had collapsed, a school that had been raised 3 metres along a fault line (fortunately the whole building stayed intact as it rose so the students survived), so many houses destroyed and thousands living in temporary shelters. the chinese prime minister wen jiabao will be visiting this area over spring festival (chinese new year) so we also saw scaffolding up along a whole street for the buildings to be re-painted for the occasion.
it was really impressive to see how many new homes had been built since the earthquake. some are being built amongst the rubble of the houses that once stood there and others are being built on what i assume must have been farmland.
apparently these house are all being built by the local community with funds from the government. although there seems to be some standard approved design that everyone is adhering to as they all look the same but not unattractive. their appearance is like something you might find in sunnier parts of europe - villas with coloured clay tilled roofs.

theres a story on the news at the moment about millions of yuan meant for the those affected by the earthquake that have gone missing. 3 millions were siphoned by the pengzhou police department for no-one knows what. this is not an uncommon event in china.

it was quite something to stand on rubble that was once someones home and to see a town being rebuilt by those who had lost the old one.

click [here] for more images

crossed fingers on the bus home

we met long yang and yang ling yi last night. we ate hong kong style food and dreamt of chungking express. we didnt really discuss their roles much as i didnt want to tell them too much too soon and give them things to worry about. theirs is a love story with slow moments for now.
maybe tomorrow we will go to visit a place where buildings have been turned to dust by the earthquake.

good morning pepsi

my first night of reasonable sleep here. tonight im hoping for more.
today we are going to chengdu to meet the actors.
i will sit by the lake and write some more of the story whilst i wait.
im telling a story that already happened so its really an editing of my memory to make it more interesting and relevant to others.
*getting out of bed and having my first breakfast in 3 days*